Paper Thin Disguise
by Jet556
Summary: Paper-thin disguise: Obvious disguise to the audience, not to the characters.
1. In Medias Res

**Welcome, everyone. I made Niall shorter by five inches and made his appearance younger than he actually is. Enjoy and review.**

 **In Medias Res**

With his hands handcuffed behind his back and a strip of duct tape over his mouth, Niall Warburton struggled as he was pushed into the cell of the old burned down police station, the one cell that had miraculously survived the fire that had claimed the lives of police, criminals and citizens alike.

Niall was fourteen years old but he looked nine. He was thin and stood at a height four feet and four inches. He was Caucasian with his specific ethnicity being English. His red hair was medium in length, he had long eyelashes, feminine eyes, a pretty face from what could be seen since due to being of poor health and often falling ill he wore a medical mask, long fingernails and he had a feminine voice that sounded like it belonged to a little girl. One could mistake him for a nine-year old girl.

On this festival day, Niall decided to wear his sailor fuku into public for the first time. The blouse was white, the collar navy blue, white and grey, the skirt navy blue and his penny loafer shoes were black. He was wearing a light blue Alice band with ribbons on his head. He had a preference for girl's clothes but not to the point that he would wear them solely and would wear the clothes of either gender. Due to his choice of that attire that day the possibility of him being mistaken for a nine-year old girl was doubled.

In fact that was what exactly had happened. It seemed everyone that day had mistaken him for an nine-year old girl and the only ones who hadn't had been his parents, who didn't really care how Niall dressed being more concerned about if he was ill or not.

Niall couldn't really understand it. His classmates saw him on a regular basis, they knew what he looked like and knew that he wore a medical mask for health reasons. Was the wearing of an Alice band and a Japanese schoolgirl uniform really that much of a disguise that they could not recognize him? It wasn't even meant to be a disguise he just wanted to ease into going out in public in his favorite set of girl's clothes in public by wearing them at the festival. However, if people who knew Randy Cunningham, such as Niall himself, couldn't figure out that Randy was the Ninja from his voice and posture then anything was possible. Niall didn't know Randy was the Ninja and Randy didn't know that nine-year-old girl was Niall. Irony was a funny thing.

Sitting on his knees, Niall thought about how he got into this situation. He thought of everything that had happened when he arrived at the festival.


	2. How We Got Here

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 **How We Got Here**

Norrisville had many invents it seemed. Today was a festival. Thus with so many different kinds of people at a festival, Niall felt a bit more confident in wearing girl's clothes into public and thus wore his sailor fuku and his light blue headband but as he was of poor health and often fell ill he was, of course, wearing his medical mask.

When he walked onto the grounds of the festival, Niall saw that no one was looking at him. The first person he saw was Howard Weinerman wearing that Ninja costume he had worn during that drill. Well, it wasn't as much he saw Howard as he bumped into him.

"Watch out, kid!" exclaimed Howard. There was so much irony in him saying that sentence. He just shoved Niall aside and kept walking while muttering "Stupid nine year old girls."

Niall just shrugged. Howard was kind of bovine, in other words an ass, so if he didn't realize that the nine year old girl was actually Niall then it didn't bother him.

The next person Niall bumped into was Theresa Fowler. She was just dressed as she usually was, her baton twirler uniform.

"I'm sorry, little girl. I didn't see you there." What Theresa said just caused Niall to become confused. She thought he was a little girl too?

"It is alright." He said. His feminine voice that made him sound younger than he was didn't help either. Theresa just gave a smile and walked right past him.

Howard was bovine but Theresa was apt. Could she not tell the "little girl" was him? He wasn't wearing makeup, his hair was any different from how it usually was, he was just wearing girl's clothes, a light blue headband with ribbons and his medical mask. Did he really look that different?

The moment he bumped into Randy Cunningham and he too thought Niall was a nine-year old girl he just ultimately shrugged. If everyone thought him a nine-year old girl, then so be it.


	3. Enter the Villains

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 **Enter the Villains**

There were a number of factors that caused fourteen-year old boy Niall to be mistaken for a nine-year old girl. His height of four feet and four inches, the exact height of a nine-year old girl was one of them. His pretty and child-like appearance was another in addition to him having feminine eyes, long eyelashes and fingernails and a voice that sounded like it belonged to a nine-year old girl. His current attire was also another factor, given his preference for girl's clothes and this being the first time he was out in public like this.

Still, he was okay with this. If they thought he was a nine-year old girl then why not? He could play the part.

Then he began to wonder if a necklace and earrings would improve on people thinking he was nine-year old girl? A nice light blue necklace, a ribbon or something of that sort around his neck and a pair of cross-shaped earrings, nothing that would be waving back and forth while he walked… Yes, those would be nice… Were clip-ons an option? He really didn't want to get his ears pierced but he had a feeling he'd have to if they weren't.

As he walked he bumped into a couple of older boys he did not recognize. One was wee, agile and alabaster with dark auburn curls while the other was wee, chubby and plain.

"So sorry, little girl." Said the former, his voice deep and smooth. "I didn't see you there." He playfully ruffled Niall's hair to the best of his abilities since Niall was wearing a light blue Alice band with ribbons. It was about as ruffled as one would expect it to be. "So, Edward, Heidi Weinerman is somewhere here at this fair, festival or whatever it is."

"That she is, Alfredo." Said the other. His voice was rather non-descript, if that was even possible for a voice. Alfredo and Edward continued walking. Niall could only watch them walk in the direction they were going. "This place has too many of these things, like that food one."

"It is a pity we didn't get to keep the chess trophy." Mused Alfredo. "Something or other happened and we had to give it back."

"Perhaps the greatest defeat our chess team has ever had." Agreed Edward. "Poor Flackville… "

"It is a good thing my dad didn't drive us here otherwise he'd stop by that old burned down police station and go on about it for an hour. Oh, well, enough of that. We have to find Heidi, abduct her and hold her for payment, that payment being the chess trophy."

Protagonist in a paper-thin disguise? Check. Villains speaking their plot out loud and no one noticing? Check. Apparently, today's big incident in Norrisville was an idiot plot.


	4. Snooping Little Kid

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 **Snooping Little Kid**

In some stories there was a kid, usually a preteen, who thought something suspicious was going on. Why were those two gentlemen talking in hushed tones? Who is that guy who keeps sneaking off? What was going on? Enter the time-honored tradition of the snooping little kid. Now, Niall was technically fourteen however due to a combination of a height of four feet and four inches and both looking and sounding like a nine-year old girl he pretty much fit the description.

He followed Alfredo and Edward and never did they notice. This truly was an idiot plot. The two openly spoke about their plan to hold Heidi for ransom or some such thing and no one noticed and now they didn't notice a "little girl" following them. Of course, considering no one gave a second look to a high school boy who looked like the literary Hannibal Lecter and another who looked like the literary Norman Bates also spoke volumes… On the other hand, how many people would know what the literary incarnations of those famous movie villains look like let alone the irony that they shared their first names with the real-life basis' of those characters: Alfredo sharing his name with Alfredo Balli Trevino, the real-lie basis of Hannibal Lecter, and Edward sharing his name with Ed Gein, the real-life basis of Norman Bates.

Had Niall read any of Thomas Harris' work? No. Had he read any of Robert Bloch's work? No. Had he ever heard of Alfredo Balli Trevino? No. Had he ever heard of Ed Gein? No. In other words, not even Niall would have been able to note the irony or the resemblance. His mother Ulrica had seen the film adaptation of the second Hannibal Lecter novel "The Silence of the Lambs" but had never heard of the book and was not even aware there was a book series or other movies so if she were to think of Hannibal Lecter she would have thought of a fifty-four year old Anthony Hopkins with his greased back hair and bold blue eyes and indeed it was that image in the public's mind just as twenty-eight year old Anthony Perkins with his eternally boyish good looks was the image of Norman Bates that was in the public's mind.

Did Niall know who Anthony Hopkins was? He had seen "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Thor" so he knew the man's voice and what he looked like.

Did Niall know who Anthony Perkins was? No, not really. Ironically, Niall knew whom his father Osgood Perkins was.

Niall just followed Alfredo and Edward as they got ever closer to Heidi's dressing room. To say that they never noticed him would be untrue because eventually they did, eventually the idiot plot ceased.


	5. Bound and Gagged

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 **Bound and Gagged**

Alfredo and Edward were both quick to notice Niall. They merely believed him to be a little girl and if he were dressed in boy's clothes, they could have still mistaken him for a girl due to his pretty and child-like appearance. Edward was quick to grab Niall by the wrist and placed a hand over Niall's mouth. Due to Niall's wearing a medical mask, Edward's hand was placed over the mask as well. In this part of the festival ground, a place completely empty of people, Niall was alone with these two villains.

"Where do you think you are going, baby doll?" asked Edward. He truly believed Niall was a little girl. His short height and child-like and pretty looks had truly fooled Edward. Niall struggled but Edward just kept a stern grip on 'baby doll.' He had believed Edward to be overweight. Looks were deceiving. Edward Perkins was a muscular fellow with a significant amount of fat to serve as padding and he practiced sumo wrestling, Olympic weightlifting and powerlifting. He may have looked like the literary Norman Bates but he was more like the Marvel Comics super-villain the Kingpin.

Alfredo gave a chuckle. "Well, well, well… A snooping little girl." He took a pair of handcuffs out of his coat pocket and handcuffed Niall's hands behind his back. Niall tried to scream but with Edward's hand against his mouth, which was covered by a medical mask, he might have well been gagged. Unfortunately, Alfredo then took out a small roll of duct tape from his coat pocket. "Okay, Edward, keep a good hold on Princess here."

Edward merely nodded while chuckling. He was five feet and seven inches, a whole foot and three inches taller than Niall. Edward watched as Alfredo ripped off a piece of tape and then partially removed the medical mask at which point Alfredo placed the strip of tape over Niall's mouth and Edward then placed the mask back on Niall's face.

"Sick little girls should stay home." Said Edward.

"Indeed." Agreed Alfredo, starting to tug at the hair of 'Princess.' "I'll take her to that old police station. Edward, you continue the search for Heidi. It looks like your idea of her dressing room being away from the busier parts of the festival was wrong. She must be in the busiest part of the festival."

"And if she isn't?" inquired Edward with raised eyebrow.

"Then she isn't." stated Alfredo. "Now you go my way and I'll go mine."


	6. Imprisoned

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 **Imprisoned**

The old Norrisville police station had seen better days. Even before the fire. In fact, in its forty years of existence prior to the fire those better days had been the first ten years. How that one cell managed to survive the fire was anyone's guess. It was certainly convenient on Alfredo's part as he pushed the bound and gagged Niall, believing him to be a little girl due to his physical appearance and choice of attire, into the cell.

Alfredo gave a laugh as he locked the door to the cell. How did he have the key to the cell? How do villains in cartoons have cameras everywhere despite the fact the heroes are in their base, the sky, some place they've never been before or another location where their for would be highly unlikely to place a remote camera? It was something that made no sense and yet it happened but in the case of Alfredo, he had a late uncle who had lived in Norrisville and was also a kleptomaniac and one day out of boredom, extreme boredom it must be said, he went to Norrisville and tried out all of the keys in the locks in Norrisville until he found one that fit. Thus did he discover that he had in his possession the key of the surviving cell to the old police station at 2:35 PM, seven and a half hours and five minutes after he had begun his bizarre activity of testing the keys his mad uncle had left to him in his will. If that sounds like a pretty bad inheritance, there has been worse. Also, it must be stated that, yes, Alfredo's uncle did end up having duplicates of some keys.

"You know, Princess, this is my first stab at cliché villainy. If you hadn't been gagged I'd ask you how I was doing but I don't need to know how I am doing because I am me! I am descended from Vladimir Monomakh! I am perfect!"

If Alfredo expected Niall to believe that then he had a royal museum in Ontario up for sale. It wasn't impossible. Count Friedrich Magnus of Solms-Wildenfels was descended from Valdimiar Monomakh but even then Niall had his doubts.

Alfredo took his phone out of his pocket and looked at it. Scowling, he looked at 'Princess' and walked away from the cell. With him no longer looking into the cell, Niall began to struggle, trying to get out of the handcuffs hoping that just maybe he could slip them off his wrists. That was about as likely as Edmund Crouchback having been older than Edward I of England.


	7. From Handcuffs to Duct Tape

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 **From Handcuffs to Duct Tape**

As Niall struggled to get the handcuffs off, Alfredo entered the cell and removed the handcuffs. He was then quick to bind the "little girl's" hands behind "her" back with duct tape. He must have placed ten layers of tape around Niall's wrists.

"Heidi's found, Princess, I'll be back soon with my good friend Edward and you will have company." Closing the cell door and locking it, Alfredo then departed while giving what was perhaps the most cliché of evil laughs.

Thus was Niall left to struggle not against handcuffs but duct tape! Not quite as difficult but Niall was still having trouble getting free.

Niall certainly wasn't the most athletic of people. While thin, his short height meant shorter legs meaning he wasn't the fastest of people. Due to being thin he wasn't the strongest of people either. Niall had basically ended up in the shallow end of the gene pool in comparison to his older brother Robert whose speed and strength were only surpassed by Bash Johnson and his friend Mick. Their father Cerdic could have been a fencing champion had not a leg injury left him requiring the aid of a cane to walk. Prior to his leg injury, Cerdic had been like Basil Rathbone, an actor who fencing skills far exceeded those of other actors but his roles often required him to lose with his only role where he actually did win a duel being that of Tybalt. And Ulrica, mother to Robert and Niall and wife to Cerdic, had been a champion swimmer on Norrisville High's swim team back in her day. Niall simply had not inherited the athleticism of his family but his father Cerdic had an exceptional mind that on some occasions put him three steps ahead of others and his mother Ulrica had been Norrisville High's undefeated chess champion in her day, in contrast to her swimming days where she had exactly four losses.

Strength and speed wasn't going to get Niall out of this. Intelligence was.

Niall stopped struggling and began to survey his surroundings. When he saw a sharp looking piece of debris, he wished he didn't have duct tape over his mouth otherwise he could smile.


	8. Damsel out of Distress

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 **Damsel out of Distress**

Alfredo and Edward believed Niall a little girl because of how he was currently dressed. He was a damsel in distress to them.

The two blackguards had returned with Heidi, bound and gagged. Heidi was wearing a blue showgirl outfit and upon seeing that color, Niall realized that his color was not red when wearing boys clothes or pink when wearing girls clothes but blue for both. Blue! How beautiful a color! How could it have taken him so long to realize it?

With his hands behind his back, Niall waited patiently as Edward opened the door. Alfredo could only smile and say: "Heidi, with you being Norrisville High's darling, we'll be able to get every trophy your school won instead of ours easily." Heidi merely glared at Alfredo. Alfredo's response was to leer at her. "Mm, such beautiful eyes." He then looked at the 'little girl' in the cell. "Do you know 'Princess' here? She'll be your company until we get our trophies."

Edward opened the door and then Niall charged! When he did, Alfredo and Edward both stared in shock. The "little girl" had gotten the tape off "her" wrists!

Niall pushed Alfredo and Edward down, Alfredo's head hitting the wall and leaving him unconscious. The key to the handcuffs around Heidi's wrists fell from Alfredo's pocket and immediately Niall dove for it. He grabbed it and immediately his grey eyes lit up and Niall began to walk over to Heidi until Edward grabbed the "little girl" by "her" ankle.

"No you don't, 'Baby-doll.'" He snarled. "I am not letting the victory me and my step-brother have been planning for six weeks be—" Edward didn't get any further. He soon found Heidi bringing the soles of her shoe into his face.

Niall quickly ran to Heidi and unlocked the handcuffs behind her back. Once they were unlocked, Heidi removed the strict of duct tape across her mouth and gave a smile.

"Well, Princess Baby-doll, it looks the Step-brothers Ugly, won't be getting any trophies."

Niall's eyes sparkled. "Princess Baby-doll." A fine choice for an alias once he had finished creating such an alter ego. Yes, he looked feminine and younger than he actually was so why not an alter ego that was a little girl?


	9. Home

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 **Home**

Upon returning home, Niall found his mother waiting for him. She was holding a pair of glasses. He had been going for many years without wearing his prescribed glasses, pretending he wasn't nearsighted when he actually was. He guessed Ulrica had finally become fed up about her and his father paying for glasses he wasn't wearing.

Niall took the glasses from Ulrica and would have asked if his mother was happy that he was wearing them but he was taking in how much better his eyesight was with the glasses on. His eyes were wide and Ulrica was left smiling now that she had finally gotten Niall to wear his glasses.

"So, did anyone recognize you dressed as a girl?" inquired Ulrica. She then looked down at Niall's feet and frowned. "Niall, I thought you said you were going to quit wearing lifts."

"U-Uh, y-yeah, I was but I've done some thinking on the way home and I think I'll wear high heels when in boy clothes and slip-on shoes when wearing girl clothes." Said Niall. "And wear pink for my boy clothes and blue for my girl clothes… And have my hair different depending on how I'm dressed. Grow it out long and have a different kind of ponytail depending on how I am dressed."

"I figured that from the hair being different thing." Commented Ulrica.

"And I'm only going to wear mascara when I am in boys clothes… And earrings!"

Ulrica's face was full of concern. She was fine with it. All she was really worried about was if Niall was sick or not. She just worried about him being bullied because of his choice of dress not being considered normal by others.

"Alright, of course your father is going to be all 'If you can walk in them you can wear them' on the wearing high heels things." Commented Ulrica.

"Did you ever wear high heels, mom?" asked Niall.

Ulrica went silent for a bit. "Yes." She answered. "Until I was thirty I was a model, you probably remember that. I was forced to wear them on some occasions until I was forced into retirement eight years ago."

"Why were you forced into retirement?"

"I turned thirty."


	10. One Week Later

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 **One Week Later**

The day after Niall's little adventure he fell ill. For a week he was ill and though he did recover he would remain pale for the rest of his life and his hair, having turned white during the illness, would never return to its original red.

Niall never did go through with his plan to wear mascara and earrings when wearing boy's clothes. As for wearing pink only when wearing boy's clothes that was forgotten as well, as the color blue ended up becoming the only color he would wear with some minor exceptions. He never did grow his hair out either, keeping it at its medium length so he never wore his hair in a ponytail. He did end up wearing rose-shaped earrings when wearing girl's clothes though as well as blue glasses but the glasses was only when he wore girl's clothes, causing a headache for his mother when it came to wearing his glasses regardless which clothes he wore.

He had a feeling that no one would recognize him still if he wore girl's clothes. He just needed a better alias than "Princess Baby-doll." The more he went over his choice in his head that more it sounded… moronic.

It was time to rethink his choice of a name for his alter ego.

Something unisex would be a good idea. Addison? No, that was too long. There were longer unisex names, probably, but that was not a name Niall wanted to use. Adrian? Adrien? No, there was something about the name no matter how it was spelled that was inherently boring. Ainsley? Now there was a name that somehow sounded villainous, that was definitely out. Alexis? Now there was a good name, a name he really liked. Yes, Alexis would be good but Alexis would be good. If he went around saying he was Alexis and he didn't have a last name that would bring about inevitable comparisons to Adele, Aristotle, Drake, Bono, Eminem and Beyonce. Aristotle would be fine to be compared to considering he predated the concept of the surname but Adele, Drake, Bono, Eminem and Beyonce were all average or below when it came to their respective careers. He needed to think of a surname for his alter ego.

But which surname would he choose? The first that came to mind was his mother's maiden name: Finlayson. Then a sudden twinge of fear came to him. What if his maternal half-uncle Ken was asked if he had a sister named Alexis or something? The use of the surname Finlayson might not go well!

Rushing for the phone book, Niall let out a sigh of relief. There were nine Finlayson families in Norrisville. Alexis Finlayson it was!

 **The End**


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